MY ACTUAL STRUGGLES WITH BALANCING HOME AND WORK AS A DIVORCED DAN OVER 40

As a 51-year old divorced father of three teenagers, I faced daily struggles to balance my responsibilities at work with my duties at home as a single parent. With my career in full swing but also wanting to be there for my kids during these pivotal years, it certainly was not an easy feat. However, through structuring my days more mindfully and setting priorities, I learned how to better manage both spheres while taking care of myself as well.

The biggest challenge is that with the kids living with me 50% of the time, I had to cram all my work tasks into only portions of the week. I had them every other week and changing on Sunday nights.  That meant longer hours and trying to play catch up after taking off for my parenting duties. I used to overschedule myself by taking on too much work without factoring in the flexibility needed for family matters. This led me to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and regretful that I didn’t have more quality time with my children.

I’ve learned that being realistic about what can be achieved prevents that resentment. Though my workload is heavy as a dentist, I blocked off kid time on my calendar as rigorously as I would a patient appointment. I communicated more openly with the office staff about my situation at home so last-minute child issues didn't derail the work schedule unexpectedly.

Little wins like rearranging my workload to be home for my daughter’s soccer games, or saving call backs for after I’ve helped all three kids with homework made me feel I was better aligning both priorities. Yes, I sacrificed personal time for myself because being available for three teenagers as the only parent is non-negotiable. However, focusing on time utilization and not just volume has made me present in the moments I’m with family. I had to become adept at workplace multitasking but switching gears to be fully immersed when I’m involved in my kids’ lives directly.  Getting the kids to sports practices was the biggest challenge.  When my oldest started driving - that was a godsend!

Making this mental shift towards quality over quantity time spent has reduced feelings of stress and inadequacy on both fronts. Learning to compromise by delegating and asking for help has also allowed me to find more balance. As a divorced dad over 40 juggling career and family life solo, that singular focus made me a better father and leader because I’m striving towards self-care while still handling all of my responsibilities. My situation may be common, but consciously working each day on that balance made all the difference for both my work and my loved ones.  Now they are grown and gone leading productive lives.  So, I guess, it was worth it on all fronts.